Bokelskere.no

"You are killing me, fish, the old man thought. But you have a right to. Never have I seen a greater, or more beautiful, or a calmer or more noble thing than you, brother. Come on and kill me. I do not care who kills who."

Det er det mishandlede barnets rasjonalisering av foreldrenes oppførsel - det må jo være meg det er noe galt med, de kan da ikke gjøre dette fordi de er slemme? Jeg må prøve hardere å bli likt.

før sa jeg
at livet er kort om vinteren
og langt om sommeren
nå ser jeg endringen
i legens hender
når han går fra
å behandle
til å lindre

Hvor kommer rettferdigheten fra, og hvorfor finnes det ikke mer av den?

I skogen fikk Isidor øye på noe vann som dryppet ned på en stein like ved der han satt. Dråpene syntes å være helt kraftløse og ikke ha noen virkning på den harde steinen. Isidor kunne likevel se at de over tid hadde laget en grop. Han tenkte det kanskje kunne være på samme måte med studiene hans: at gradvis arbeid førte til mye kunnskap.

To have memories, happy or sorrowful, is a blessing, for it shows we have lived our lives without reservation.

Hvem kan forstå et annet menneske, selv når det snakker samme språk som deg selv?

Flyktig er det levende. Vinden farer over det, og det er ikke mer.

Ibland måste de som fått den svåraste el-överkänsligheten
vidta drastiska åtgärder: bära skyddsdrakt eller fly landet.

"min situation ändrades när jag började reagera på en mast
som sattes upp 400 meter från bostaden, en sändare för GSM
mobiltelefon.
Jag har varit tvungen att lämna både bostad och mitt arbete.

Därefter sökt runt om i Sverige efter en annan bostad, men
jag har fått lämna dem när utbyggnaden av mobiltelefon-
systemet hunnit fatt mig. Till slut har jag bott i en bil,
för att kunna söka nya platser. Jag sover några dagar i
bilen på en playa i Spanien.. för att slippa symptom som
tryck över bröstet, kramper, svårighet att tänka, abnorm
trötthet och sömnsvårigheter. .. i vissa fall svårighet att
gå, förlamningskänslor. vid längre tids mikrovågsexponering
blod i näsa och hals.
Jag är, när jag lyckats hitta rena platser, så gott som
frisk, trots att det sliter hårt på mig de tider jag inte
kommer undan. Kropp och psyke orkar inte med hur mycket
påfrestningar som helst. Mikrovågor är ju inte en naturlig
del av vår miljö.
Jag tycker att jag borde ha rätt att bo i Sverige, eller
har jag inte det? "

/

N1, 38 år blev elöverkänslig i samband med en amalgam-
sanering.. blev tvungen att stänga av strömmen helt..
övergick till vedeldning, stearinljus o köpte gasolspis
(gasskomfyr) för mathållning. (..) Det hjälpte inte ens
att stänga av mobiltelefonen, symptomen upphörde först när
han tog bort batteriet. N1 hade blivit så dålig att han
inte kunde bo kvar i huset (pga plåttak, vattenburet värme-
system, motortrafikled 30 m från huset, telemast 500 meter
bort) .. tvingades bo i en friggebod på 6 kv.meter medan
värmesystemet demonterades .. Familjen har nu köpt ett
helt elfritt torp .. numera kan han sova på nätterna och
lider inte av huvudvärk. .. har byggt en tvättstuga 35 m
från huset, ifrån den matas kallt/varmt vatten till huset.
Huset värms genom vedeldning och gasolkylskåp används.
N1 är ändå sårbar.. blev helt 'utslagen' i en vecka medan
en skogsavverkningsmaskin var i gång i närheten. Känner
också av nyare bilar t.ex Volvo 850 SE, troligen pga någon
stöldskyddspryl.

Det var det bästa vi kunne göra, nu
kviskra du ein gong, med munnen din
mot øyra mitt. Eg legg forsiktig
munnen mot minnet ditt: Ja, det var
det beste vi kunne gjere. Uansett.

Du kjem lydlaust opp
bak meg. Du sit ved
skrivebordet framfor meg
Du ser ikkje opp

Eg kan framleis oppleve nærveret ditt
lyn som ikkje er til å skilje
frå mørker

Gleda over å leve, lysande som elvar gjennom kroppen

Å leve med deg
dei knapt høyrbare rørslene dine i rommet
Det visse. Ei glede som vakna
kvar morgon. Ei glede som var
Det heile

Bøkene ble fraktet fra båtene og opp til palassområdet der museet med biblioteket lå. Etter avskrivningen ble kopiene gitt til båtene. Biblioteket, det første forsøket på å samle inn, kategorisere og katalogisere all tilgjengelig kunnskap om verden, satte pris på orginaler.
Alexandria skaffet seg ikke bare verdens største boksamling, muligens 700 000 på det meste, men fungerte også som et møtested for lærde fra tre kontinenter.

A.Solzhenitsyn:

I was arrested on the grounds of what the censorship had found
during the years 1944-45
in my correspondence with a school friend,
mainly because of certain disrespectful remarks about Stalin ..

Even as a child, without any prompting from others, I wanted to be a writer and, indeed, I turned out a good deal of the usual juvenilia.
In the 1930s, I tried to get my writings published but I could not find anyone willing to accept my manuscripts.
I wanted to acquire a literary education, but in Rostov such an education that would suit my wishes was not to be obtained.
To move to Moscow was not possible, partly because my mother was alone and in poor health, and partly because of our modest circumstances.
I therefore began to study at the Department of Mathematics at Rostov University,
where it proved that I had considerable aptitude for mathematics.
But although I found it easy to learn this subject, I did not feel that I wished to devote my whole life to it.

Nevertheless, it was to play a beneficial role in my destiny later on, and on at least two occasions, it rescued me from death. For I would probably not have survived the eight years in camps if I had not, as a mathematician, been transferred to a so-called sharashia, where I spent four years;

and later, during my exile, I was allowed to teach mathematics and physics, which helped to ease my existence and made it possible for me to write.

If I had had a literary education it is quite likely that I should not have survived these ordeals but would instead have been subjected to even greater pressures.

Later on, it is true, I began to get some literary education as well; this was from 1939 to 1941, during which time, along with university studies in physics and mathematics, I also studied by correspondence at the Institute of History, Philosophy and Literature in Moscow.

In 1941, a few days before the outbreak of the war, I graduated from the Department of Physics and Mathematics at Rostov University.
At the beginning of the war, owing to weak health, I was detailed to serve as a driver of horsedrawn vehicles during the winter of 1941-1942.

Later, because of my mathematical knowledge, I was transferred to an artillery school, from which, after a crash course, I passed out in November 1942.
Immediately after this I was put in command of an artillery-position-finding company,

and in this capacity, served, without a break, right in the front line until I was arrested in February 1945. This happened in East Prussia, a region which is linked with my destiny in a remarkable way.
As early as 1937, as a first-year student, I chose to write a descriptive essay on “The Samsonov Disaster” of 1914 in East Prussia and studied material on this; and in 1945 I myself went to this area (at the time of writing, autumn 1970, the book August 1914 has just been completed).

I was arrested on the grounds of what the censorship had found during the years 1944-45 in my correspondence with a school friend, mainly because of certain disrespectful remarks about Stalin,
although we referred to him in disguised terms.

As a further basis for the “charge”, there were used the drafts of stories and reflections which had been found in my map case.
These, however, were not sufficient for a “prosecution”,
and in July 1945 I was “sentenced” in my absence, in accordance with a procedure
then frequently applied, after a resolution by the OSO
(the Special Committee of the NKVD), to eight years in a detention camp
(at that time this was considered a mild sentence).

I served the first part of my sentence in several correctional work camps of mixed types
(this kind of camp is described in the play, The Tenderfoot and the Tramp).

In 1946, as a mathematician, I was transferred to the group of scientific research institutes of the MVD-MOB (Ministry of Internal Affairs, Ministry of State Security).

I spent the middle period of my sentence in such “SPECIAL PRISONS” (The First Circle).
In 1950 I was sent to the newly established “Special Camps” which were intended only for political prisoners.

In such a camp in the town of Ekibastuz in Kazakhstan (One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich), I worked as a miner, a bricklayer, and a foundryman.
There I contracted a tumour which was operated on, but the condition was not cured
(its character was not established until later on).

One month after I had served the full term of my eight-year sentence, there came, without any new judgement and even without a “resolution from the OSO”,

an administrative decision to the effect that I was not to be released but EXILED
FOR LIFE to Kok-Terek (southern Kazakhstan).

This measure was not directed specially against me, but was a very usual procedure at that time. I served this exile from March 1953
(on March 5th, when Stalin’s death was made public,

I was allowed for the first time to go out without an escort) until June 1956.

Here my cancer had developed rapidly, and at the end of 1953, I was very near death.
I was unable to eat, I could not sleep and was severely affected by the poisons from the tumour.
However, I was able to go to a cancer clinic at Tashkent, where, during 1954, I was cured
(The Cancer Ward, Right Hand).

During all the years of exile, I taught mathematics and physics in a primary school and during my hard and lonely existence I wrote prose in secret
(in the camp I could only write down poetry from memory).

I managed, however, to keep what I had written, and to take it with me to the European part of the country, where, in the same way, I continued,
as far as the outer world was concerned, to occupy myself with teaching and, in secret, to devote myself to writing ..

During all the years until 1961, not only was I convinced that I should never see a single line of mine in print in my lifetime,
but, also, I scarcely dared allow any of my close acquaintances to read anything I had written because I feared that this would become known.

Finally, at the age of 42, this secret authorship began to wear me down.
The most difficult thing of all to bear was that I could not get my works judged by people with literary training.

In 1961, after the 22nd Congress of the U.S.S.R. Communist Party and Tvardovsky’s speech at this, I decided to emerge
and to offer One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich.

Such an emergence seemed, then, to me, and not without reason, to be very risky
because it might lead to the loss of my manuscripts,
and to my own destruction.

But, on that occasion, things turned out successfully,
and after protracted efforts, A.T. Tvardovsky was able to print my novel one year later.
The printing of my work was, however, stopped almost immediately
and the authorities stopped both my plays and (in 1964) the novel, The First Circle,

which, in 1965, was seized together with my papers from the past years.
During these months it seemed to me that I had committed an unpardonable mistake by revealing my work prematurely
and that because of this I should not be able to carry it to a conclusion.

( fra nobelprize.org: Alexandr Solzhenitsyn biographical )

*

For the most part, you don't hold the people you love in your heart because they rescued you from drowning or pulled you from a burning house. Mostly you hold them in your heart because they save you, in a million quiet and perfect ways, from being alone.

Karin Boye

Visst gjer det vondt
å møte livet utan panser
og utan våpen. Lufta skjelv
av usynlege spyd.
Som Siegfried var du usårleg
i alt så nær som
eit einaste punkt:
ditt hjarta. Der
fekk du banesår. Bøygd
lik eit dådyr i dødskamp
gjekk du i motvind
song
og forsvann.

Ett er nødvendig

Etter som bølgene splintret
bevisshetens speilflate
og spredte seg langsomt
som ringer i blodet,
begynte alle bilder å
tape sin påtrengende
tydelighet. Da var det
han visste at ett er
nødvendig: hennes hånd.
Og synkende holdt han
hjertet over vannet
i døgn etter smertedøgn
til havet lukket seg
over hans høye liv.