"There are some things in this world that can be done over, and some that can't. And time passing is one thing that can't be redone. Come this far, and you can't go back. Don't you think so?" I nodded. "After a certain length of time has passed, things harden up. Like cement hardening in a bucket. And we can't go back anymore. What you say is that the cement that makes you up has hardened, so the you you are now can't be anyone else." "I guess that's what I mean," I said uncertainly.

We were, the two of us, still fragmenting beings, just beginning to sense the presence of an unexpected, to-be-acquired reality that would fill us and make us whole. We stood before a door we'd never seen before. The two of us alone, beneath a faintly flickering light, our hands tightly clasped together for a fleeting ten seconds of time.

She's not Shimamoto, I told myself. She can't give me what Shimamoto gave. But here she is, all mine, trying her best to give me all she can. How could I ever hurt her? But I didn't understand then. That I could hurt somebody so badly she would never recover. That a person can, just by living, damage another human being beyond repair.

Gently I touched her shoulder, her hair and breasts. They were real - warm and soft. Beneath my palm I could feel her life. No one could say how long that life would last. Whatever has form can disappear in an instant.

"Hajime," she began, "the sad truth is that certain types of things can't go backward. Once they start going forward, no matter what you do, they can't go back the way they were. If even one little thing goes awry, then that's how it will stay forever."

Shimamoto-san, i don't care where we end up; I just know I want to go there with you.