Pioveva la sua vita, davanti ai suoi occhi, spettacolo quieto.
Oh! many a time and oft, had Harold lov'd,
Or dreamed he lov'd, since Rapture is a dream;
But now his wayward bosom was unmov'd,
For not yet had he drunk of Lethe's stream;
And lately had he learn'd with truth to deem
Love has no gift so grateful as his wings:
How fair, how young, how soft soe'er he seem,
Full from the fount of Joy's delicious springs
Some bitter o'er the flowers its bubbling venom flings.
Jeg vet ikke hvor jeg skal poste dette, det er et slags uttrykk for noen umiddelbare tanker som har kokt opp til overflaten ved å lese spredt rundt omkring i denne tråden, kanskje mer følelser enn fornuft. Ditt innlegg, Rose-Marie, synes dog å si noe av det samme, så det kan være naturlig å poste mitt eget her.
Jeg har mer eller mindre sluttet å følge med på diskusjoner her på forumet og derfor også mer eller mindre sluttet å delta, fordi hver eneste gang vandrer ordvekslingen fra å være en faktisk diskusjon til sutring som tilsynelatende gjentar seg hver femte dag. Dette synes jeg naturligvis er trist.
Selv studerer jeg litteraturvitenskap. Jeg tror ikke jeg har rakket ned på noen for deres lesegleder. (jeg kan imidlertid bli lite mild hvis noen rakker ned på mine). Men jeg skulle virkelig ønske jeg kunne anvende noen ord og henvisninger fra utdanningen min i en samtale disse viste seg relevante. Jeg gjør det jo likevel, men det klages, som f.eks. i denne tråden, og jeg oppfatter det som om disse også rettes mot meg. Jøsses, som litteraturstudent burde man vel ha en slags rett i det minste til ikke å begrense seg under trussel av høygafler, så og si. "Lytt til erfarne fjellfolk", sier fjellvettreglene.
Ubevisst valgte jeg ovenfor å skrive at diskusjonene ender i "sutring", istedet for å skrive at de ender i "metadiskusjoner", i fare for at noen skulle ta en slik ordbruk som fornærmende. Hæ? Fornærmende? Jeg ber deg ikke (og med "deg" henviser jeg naturligvis til du som nå leser) om å åpne fremmedordboken og av den grunn overført antyder at du er en grønnskolling, nei, hvorfor det? dette er min måte å uttale meg på, ord som faller naturlig. Ville det ikke være ti hundre ganger mer krenkende hvis man hadde omstillet seg, forenklet skriveformen, i den tro at den som leser det man skriver er for dum til ellers å forstå? "Skriv enklere, gutt! skriv mer hverdagslig!" men det er jo hverdagslig jeg skriver, min hverdag er bøker, God damn it!
Jeg ble forøvrig svært glad av det Jorunn nevnte nedenfor, at hun har fått et "veldig godt inntrykk" av hvem jeg er ved å lese det jeg skriver her. Heh, det stemmer nok ikke helt overens med virkeligheten, hva jeg gir uttrykk for her på forumet og hva som sitrer i hjertet og hjernebarken min: jeg er neppe så enkel, og ihvertfall ikke så utagerende og polemisk, men det gjorde meg likevel glad å høre fordi det er noe jeg prøver, å være tydelig, om det så bare er hva jeg føler og tenker i øyeblikket og ikke hva jeg mener definerer meg som person. Jeg tar meg selv veldig høytidelig, kanskje så høytidelig at jeg kan tre noen steg ut og se på meg selv med uhøytidelighet, å ikke ta seg selv så alvorlig, fange opp ironien i tilværelsen, beholde sin stolthet men likevel innrømme at man kan ta feil, for hvorfor skulle ens feil være sår for stoltheten, er det ikke ens sår (eller erfaring, om man vil) som utgjør hvem man er? etc etc. Min holdning her kan vel oppsummeres som en slags alvorlig lek. Ikke likeglad og all-tolerant. Respekterer meg selv såvel som andre. La oss ikke være gjensidige - ikke fordi det er kjedelig, men fordi det ikke fører noen vei.
Hvem som skrev det husker jeg ikke (men det var i denne tråden), men det ble sagt at det tidligere – i en avskåret fortid - var mulighet for gode diskusjoner her på forumet. Slik det er nå (om det enn er mulighet for diskusjoner eller ikke, jeg skal ikke avkrefte det ene eller det andre) har det dog alltid vært på Bokelskere.no, det er ikke noe nytt fenomen, det finnes ikke noe "gode gamle dager" vi kan lengte tilbake til og pynte oss med; men det finnes kanskje en utopi hvor folk kommer overens og kan tillate sin høymodige natur å være en klype sprudlende Røed-Ødegaard-ish istedet for snerpete, smålig, dobbeltmoralsk og andre mistrøstige adjektiver. (jeg peker ikke på enkeltpersoner, men tegner en motsetning til utopien).
Haha, huff, jeg er egentlig ikke så veldig sint, bare litt furten, og så tilfører sommervarmen resten.
Maidens, like moths, are ever caught by glare,
And Mammon wins his way where Seraphs might despair.
I loved her enough to forget myself, my self pitying despairs, and be content that something she thought happy was going to happen.
It may be normal, darling; but I'd rather be natural.
she used to wear vintage dresses over her bikini
and flip-flops
ride to venich beach to read virginia on the sand
she used to make collages with images of the virgin
mary and roses she used to write poetry
she went to a ballet high
school and could have died
for beauty
not only from the eating disorder
but from the words of the mean mistress
she found her mother on the floor of the bathroom
with a bottle of pills
but still alive
her roommate in college was raped
and brutally murdered
another friend died the same way at a different place
and time
her terror turned into worry
about small things
like the overgrown cuticle on her little toenail
she married an artist and went to clubs
with scrawls on the walls called art
kept her collages private
intricate and glistening as hidden body parts
her husband stopped having sex with her
she doubted her poetry
because a mean bulimic woman
told her she couldn't write
she took up african dance and then brazilian
because they honored rather than denied her ass
helped her heal her marriage
and the scars of ballett and anorexia
she danced into the arms of the drummer
they coul have been brother and sister
he read her a poem on their first date
she was still married when she made love to him
left her husband almost right away
married again on the hills above malibu
dancing on the crest above the sea
with white flowers in her hair
she gave birth to two children
decorated her house in pink and green velvet
teaches thirteen year olds literature every day
comes home and cooks dinner every night
writes her books in the weekends
the war maked her so sad she needs meds
she's okay though
her husband still wants her whenever possible
still reads her poetry aloud
she has finally discovered
the brutality is not inside of her
however there are many roses, there are altars,
there are stories
running from the green-eyed lady
i got lost on the freeway in l.a.
i saw the mexican markets
i saw the train tracks
i saw the old bridge and the cement river
i saw the vast expanse of grayness
leading nowhere
i saw a dog zigzag thirsty
i thought of the woman with her eyes
like cold green glass
and her smirking smile
how she tried to eat my boyfriend and my mentor
and my house
i thought, what has happened to my city
with its roses and angels?
i thought, what has happened to my boyfriend
who was bowling with miss green eyes
just the day before?
after she ate his heart
he handed mine to her on a china plate
just like the one she used to serve him meat
in my vegetarian kitchen
and then left
so i dug in my purse for my cell phone
and i called my friends
sara and sera and maria
and they looked at maps and told me
which way to turn
and they helped guide me home
it is good to see the sadness of my city
without roses without angels except the ones
disguised as your girlfriends
it is good to get lost in her
it is even good to let envy hold her heart
in her mouth
but if you don't give in to her my darlings
she will release you
she will spit you out
i always believed if i had blond hair, pixie face,
big breasts
everything would be all right
not realizing that culturally idolized beauty
is not only foolproof
but potentially dangerous
if you believe un your own unconventional beauty
when you are young
you will accomplish twice as much and suffer half so
turn of the lightbulbs and light a candle
walk don't drive
plant a tree
wear sunscreen
dancing is an antidepressant
kindness is the new status symbol
every day please try to eat something green
and something orange
that grow on the ground
tell me how mad you are
that your father and i parted
i will always listen
though i can't ever take away the pain
expectations are for what you yourself create
they rarely work when applied to others
turn of the television
tv is a depressant
yoga is an antidepressant
don't feel guilty about wanting pretty things
they would not be so alluring
if you weren't supposed to want them
just don't value them over compassion
use your words even when you are a grown-up
and people no longer think it is entirely acceptable
when you say, that hurt my feelings
if you can digest chocolate eat it sometimes
same goes for ice cream
(i don't really need to tell you those things do i?)
do your homework because it is part of the game but
don't spend too much time worrying about grades
fall in love with someone kind who loves your body
and your mind
if you have a dream that won't let you go, that
tickles your solar plexus, heed it
turn dark feelings into paintings or poetry
or dancing
music is a kind of food
if you are sad talk to a happy woman who loves you
it will always help
move your body when you are sad or angry
avoid the following:
genetically modified ingredients
parabens
sodium lauryl sulfate
mercury in certain fish
neurotic thoughts about food
(is that a contradiction?)
love your curls though they tangle
your pale skin though it can burn in the sun
your nose though it is broader than some
your sturdy legs and feet
forget barbie she does not possess imagination
remember you are a botticelli angel
the planet we live on is perfection
love her like a goddess
love yourself as her daughter
there is a planet full of different kinds of beauty
the idea that only one type of woman is beautiful
is blashpemy
of everything i brought to the world in these
forty-five years
you and your brother are by far the most astounding
because of that i will always love your father
matter never vanishes, only changes
remember that when someone you love dies
your round head on my breast when you were born
is the memory
i will keep with me when i leave this body
when i am gone i will still be near you
this is how i know: when you were born
it was not a meeting
but reunion
she was a princess of the holy wood her parents brought her to a jungle when she was little to sit at the fett of a prophetic madman when she was older she performed on the stage the crowd put her in the stocks and threw vegetables at her da vinci face her brother the prince drowned in the sea she married a man everyone called genius it seemed like paradise she wept
alone in her villa while she flirted with actresses
she made
art won acclaim and her husband's jealousy he left
she wore
only short black or white dresses
some full some slim and elegant black flats
was named best dressed on every list smiled quietly
and like a cat
told a story about marie crowned queen at nineteen
dressed in magical shoes
showered with jewels
and cake not loved properly lost in a castle og gilt dreaming
of the natural world making babies finally beheaded
but this princess keeps dreaming her next dream
she has a lot of stories to tell
she knows that in times of danger it up to the girls
to overcome himiliation and grief even decapitation
and save us
Huff, dette er vanskelig, vanskelig. Jeg tror ikke jeg kan gjøre annet enn å velge Pan av Hamsun, Moby Dick av Melville, Don Quijote av den godeste Cervantes, Goethes Werther og Shakespeares sonetter. Jeg burde ha slengt inn Peer Gynt, Trolldomsfjellet og diktsamlinger av Keats og Byron, men akk, det gir du meg ikke tillatelse til! (jeg gjorde det visst likevel, hm...). Det er disse bøkene jeg vender tilbake til og holder mest av. Pan skal jeg utvilsomt lese på nytt nå i sommeren, gjerne utendørs, under noen bøketrær, med litt kaffe på termos, en lommelerke med en klype kos på, noen mokkabønner, kanskje mens jeg overnatter under åpen himmel? Ja det frister! og denne fantastiske boken fortjener et slikt ritual og slik hengivenhet. Eller gjør den ikke det? Jo, det gjør den!
The sun was not so true unto the day
As he to me.
Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind,
And therefore is wing'd Cupid painted blind.
Den ligger i stabelen min over boeker jeg skal lese!
... fu che quegli occhi non avevano un taglio orientale, e che erano puntati, con un'intensità sconcertante, su di lui: come se fin dall'inizio non avessero fatto altro, da sotto le palpebre.
Teneva gli occhi fissi sulla labbra di Hervé Joncour, come se fossero le ultime righe di una lettera d'addio.
Syns det er et gøy tema, men det var min lesepartners forslag.
Tusen hjertelig takk alle sammen! Setter virkelig pris på det.
Hei! Til mitt sommerleseprosjekt er jeg på utkikk etter bøker som har en tittel med formen [substantiv] og [substantiv]. Feks Krig og fred, Stolthet og fordom, Fornuft og følelser, Fedre og sønner, Nord og sør, Forbrytelse og straff. Alle sjangre er interessante (romaner, poesi, sakprosa, novellesamlinger). Kan noen hjelpe?
Denne boka, folkens: les den! En bortgjemt, glemt sivilisasjons møte med utenomverdenen, fortalt gjennom Yves Gundron, oppfinner av oppfinnelsen som forandrer alt. Jeg begynte nesten å grine til slutt, jeg. Har blitt så lettrørt. Men seriøst. Anbefales!