Og den som anlegger en flytende bro over Europas største elv, vil vel også kunne lykkes med å gjemme en dverg inne i et møbel?

The General trusts and approves of anyone in uniform, and he smiles delightedly. He thinks that no doubt the policeman has some weighty issues to deal with, and feels the need to take advantage of his wider and deeper experience. The policeman ushers him gently into the alleyway beside the pub where Peter the Great once stayed, when Godalming was on the main wool route to London. 'Do you realise, sir,' asks the officer, 'that you have gone shopping without your trousers on?' Sensitively he refrains from mentioning the lack of underwear. Fortunately the tails of the shirt are long, and any indecency is sufficiently concealed in shadow.

If my life could be contained in a word it would be this one: accidents. Not only do I share in a notorious family history of calamity and accident, not only was I involved in a life-altering accident at age seven, not only would I be involved in a few more accidents in my time, I actually was an accident; as you might have imagined, my birth was not a planned one.

It had begun with the dog, a black retriever. The gypsy who sold it to us took advantage of our ignorance, saying that it was a golden retriever, and that it would turn gold later. All golden retriever puppies were black at first. He was obviously expecting us to fall in love with the dog, so that by the time we found out we'd been sold a pup, we wouldn't be wanting a refund. He was right, that was exactly what happened, only we got revenge by giving him a rotten rooster and telling him it was a pheasant, well hung.

Og da (elg)kalven dukket opp igjen kort etter, hadde jeg ikke mer å gi. Jeg kapitulerte. I natt sov vi sammen inne i teltet. Kalven bidro med overraskende mye varme. Jeg brukte den som hodepute store deler av natten, og da jeg våknet i dag, ble vi liggende og se på hverandre på en nær og intim måte som jeg sjelden har opplevd med mennesker. Jeg tror ikke jeg engang har opplevd det med min kone. Selv ikke i starten av forholdet. Det var nesten i meste laget.

'Is Tyson okay?' I asked. The question seemed to take my dad by surprise. 'He's fine. Doing much better than I expected. Though 'peanut butter' is a strange battle cry.'

I love New York. You can pop out of the Underworld in Central Park, hail a taxi, head down Fifth Avenue with a giant hellhound loping along behind you and nobody even looks at you funny.

Vi pisser i kors, til ære for vår far og bestefar som skal stå her i tusen år. Nedtellingen har begynt.

Det begynner å bli folksomt i skogen. Utviklingen er mildt sagt uheldig.

Hoho! tenker kroppen. Sukker! Mitt legeme fylles av stille jubel. Det var lite som skulle til. Slik er vi konstruert. Så satans banalt.

Så du er ute og røver, sier jeg. Ja, sier Roger. Jeg liker dette området. Mye verdisaker og få alarmer. Lenger oppe er det høyreland og alarmer overalt, men her nede stemmer folk SV og tror på det gode i mennesket samtidig som de vasser i penger. For meg er det en uslåelig kombinasjon

Når fortiden dukker opp igjen i et menneskes liv, viser den seg aldri i trekkene til ett eneste ansikt; den sender en hel rekke av venner, forelskelser og glemte ting som man har angret på.

Det morsomme ved de idylliske krigskirkegårdene ved Hartmannswyler Kopp er at det ble kjempet på samme sted under begge verdenskrigene, noe som pussig nok førte til at likene fra første krig kom opp igjen av gravene under den andre, fordi prosjektilene rotet opp jorden i flere meters dyp.

Han var vår Sauron, vår Arawn, vår Darkseid, vår Evige Diktator, en så besynderlig, så pervers og så fryktelig person at ikke en gang en science fiction-forfatter kunne ha funnet ham opp.

Lille jøde, far vel, far vel, Moses og Isak venter deg vel?

Lille jøde, vær ei så sturen, til ild og svovel går helvetesturen.

Kom aldri tilbake lille jøde, her ønsker vi bare å se dere døde.

Mr Wormtail bids Professor Snape good day, and advises him to wash his hair, the slimeball.

Mr Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that ever became a Professor.

Mr Prongs agrees with Mr Moony, and would like to add that Professor Snape is an ugly git.

Mr Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business.

"You're a gentleman," they used to say to him. "You shouldn't have gone murdering people with a hatchet; that's no occupation for a gentleman."