Who shall I shoot? You choose. Now, listen very carefully: where's your coffee? You've got coffee, haven't you? C'mon, everyone's got coffee! Spill the beans!

• "Surely you have considered terrorist activity?"
  There was another pause. Then the spokesman said, in the quiet tones of someone who has had enough and who is going to quit after this and raise chickens somewhere, "Yes, I suppose we must. All we need to do is find some terrorists who are capable of taking an entire nuclear reactor out of its can while it's running and without anyone noticing. It weighs about a thousand tons and is forty feet high. So they'll be quite strong terrorists. Perhaps you'd like to ring them up, sir, and ask them questions in that supercilious, accusatory way of yours."

People have believed for hundreds of years that newts in a well mean that the water's fresh and drinkable, and in all that time never asked themselves whether the newts got out to go to the lavatory.

"What is this thing, anyway?" said the Dean, inspecting the implement in his hands. "It's called a shovel," said the Senior Wrangler. "I've seen the gardeners use them. You stick the sharp end in the ground. Then it gets a bit technical."

Min gode herr professor, jeg er ikke noe sivilisert menneske, svarte han heftig. Jeg har meldt meg ut av menneskenes samfunn. Grunnene til det kan bare jeg bedømme. Reglene som gjelder hos Dem, er meg fullstendig likegyldige, så vennligst ikke påberop Dem dem.

The person on the other side was a young woman. Very obviously a young woman. There was no possible way that she could have been mistaken for a young man in any language, especially Braille.

Ahahahahaha! Ahahahaha! Aahahaha!
BEWARE!!!!!
Yrs sincerely
The Opera Ghost

• "But I don't believe in reincarnation!" he protested.
• SQUEAK.
• And this, Mr Pounder understood with absolute rodent clarity, meant:
  Reincarnation believes in you.

"What sort of person," said Salzella patiently, "sits down and writes a maniacal laugh? And all those exclamation marks, you notice? Five? A sure sign of someone who wears his underpants on his head. Opera can do that to a man."

Writing things down at people? Tch, tch...that sort of thing only causes trouble.

But surely dogs can't talk--" Sacharissa began.
"Oh dear oh dear oh dear," said Gaspode, "Did I say I was talking?"
"Well, not in so many words--"

WHO KNOWS WHAT EVIL LURKS IN THE HEART OF MEN? The Death of Rats looked up from the feast of potato. SQUEAK, he said. Death waved a hand dismissively. WELL, YES, OBVIOUSLY ME, he said. I JUST WONDERED IF THERE WAS ANYONE ELSE.

Walk any path in Destiny's garden, and you will be forced to choose, not once but many times. The path fork and divide. With each step you take through Destiny's garden, you make a choice; and every choice determines future paths. However, at the end of a lifetime of walking you might look back, and see only one path stretching out behind you; or look ahead, and see only darkness.

Have you ever heard that the Japanese word for pillow, "makura," is made from combining the words for "storage place" and "soul"?
It's the place that holds our head for close to 30% of our lives. Some people thought that our souls stayed there.

The Ankh-Morpork Central Post Office had a gaunt frontage. It was a building designed for a purpose. It was, therefore, more or less, a big box to employ people in, with two wings at the rear, which enclosed the big stable yard. Some cheap pillars had been sliced in half and stuck on the outside, some niches had been carved for some miscellaneous stone nymphs, some stone urns had been ranged along the parapet, and thus Architecture had been created.

What sort of man would put a known criminal in charge of a major branch of government? Apart from, say, the average voter.

*Did I hear things, or can that little dog speak?' Said Dibbler.
'He says he can't,' said Victor.
Dibbler hesitated. 'Well,' he said, 'I suppose he should know.'

'People have quite the wrong idea about vampires, you see. Are we fiendish killers?' He beamed at them. 'Well, yes, of course we are. But only when necessary.'

Six Beneficient Wind had the same sense of humour as a chicken casserole. True, he played the accordion for amusement, and he disliked cats intensely, and had a habit of dabbing his upper lip with his napkin after his tea ceremony in a way that made Mrs Beneficient Winds commit murder in her mind on a regular basis over the years. And he kept his money in a small leather shovel purse, and counted it out very thoroughly whenever he made a purchase, especially if there was a queue behind him.

Dave said the government hushed it up. Yeah, but your mate Dave says the government always hushes things up Nobby, said Fred. Well, they do. Except he always gets to hear about 'em, and he never gets hushed up, said Fred. I know you like to point the finger of scoff, sarge, but there's a lot goes on that we don't know about. Like what, exactly? Colon retorted. Name me one thing that's going on that you don't know about.