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Predikanten fra USA

En besøkende predikant fra USA står på talerstolen på scenen og en noe uerfaren og nervøs tolk står ved siden av ham:

Predikant: My dear friends. Tolk: Mine dyre venner.

P: Welcome to this honourable house. T: Velkommen til dette horrible hus.

P: It's a delight to see so many followers here tonight. T: Det er leit å se så mange fra Follo her i kveld

P: I have come here tonight to give you a message. T: Jeg er kommet hit i kveld for å gi dere en massasje.

P: A message that will make you feel warm and calm inside. T: En massasje som vil få dere til å føle dere varme og kvalme inni dere.

P: I want you to hold hands and feel his sweet love lift you up. T: Jeg vil at dere skal holde hender og føle svetten løfte dere opp

P: Praise be, Praise be. T: Frisbee. Frisbee.

P: Tonight I want to tell you about a mans call to life. T: I kveld vil jeg fortelle dere om en mann kalt Leif.

P: He was born i a wooden stable. T: Han var født i en vedstabel.

P: His father was a carpenter. T: Hans far var en billakkerer.

P: As a boy he liked to watch his mother in the kitchen. T: Som gutt likte han å vaske moren sin i kjøkkenet.

P: He played ball with his friends by the little stream. T: Han spilte fotball med vennene sine i Lillestrøm.

P: Finally a man, he went out in the world to explore there. T: Til slutt som mann, gikk han ut i verden for å eksplodere.

P: Who was this important man? T: Hvem var denne impotente mannen?

P: Who went in desert for 40 days? T: Som ventet på dessert for 40 dager?

P: Who gave us the sun and the moon, the burning wind and sent the rain to us? T: Som ga oss solen og månen og brennevin og sendte regningen til oss?

P: He helped the fishermen when they caught the fish. T: Han hjalp fiskerne når de ble kåte av fisk.

P: He loved everyone. T: Han elsket med alle.

P: And Moses followed him. T: Og musene fulgte ham.

P: Into the vallies. T: Inn i Valdres.

P: And we too must follow him. T: Og vi to må følge ham.

P: We must give other the message. T: Vi må gi andre en massasje.

P: But we must have money, cash to help us. T: Men vi må ha Johnny Cash til å hjelpe oss.

P: I will send round this collection plate. T: Jeg vil sende rundt min platekolleksjon.

P: So please give us all your money that you can afford T: Så vennligst gi oss alle deres penger til en ny Ford.

P: And may God Bless You All. T: Og må Gud blåse i dere alle.

Takk for dagens sårt tiltrengte latterkule. Naboene ble muligens urolige...

Det er sunt å le, Inger Johanne :)

• Så har vi den italienske superelskeren da:

GUIDO, THE ITALIAN LOVER

A virile, middle-aged Italian gentleman named Guido was relaxing at his favourite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman.

Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless.

After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile, 'So, you finish?' She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, 'No.'

Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed. This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion. The sex finally ends and, again, Guido smiles and asks, 'You finish?'

Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him and softly says, 'No.'

Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido reaches for the woman yet again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets.

Exhausted, Guido falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again, 'You finish?'

Barely able to speak, the beautiful blond whispers in his ear, 'No, I Norwegian... and I think I love you...'