Når du spør hvordan menneskene her er, så må jeg svare: som over alt ellers! Det er noe ensformig ved menneskeslekten. De fleste sliter og arbeider størsteparten av tiden for å leve, og den vesle friheten som de har igjen, skremmer dem slik at de finner på alt mulig for å bli kvitt den. Spør om hensikten med det hele!
Slik er det 'sunne' menneskets tale: Enten, eller. Men den forelskede svarer (og det er det Werther gjør): Jeg forsøker å smyge meg frem mellom alternativene, det vil si, Jeg har ikke noe håp, men allikevel . . . Eller også: Jeg velger gjenstridig å ikke velge; jeg velger å gå utenom, – jeg fortsetter.
[...], min Smerte og min Lidelse er navnløs.
You were the last dream of my soul.
Coldness in Love
And you remember, in the afternoon
The sea and the sky went grey, as if there had sunk
A flocculent dust on the floor of the world: the festoon
Of the sky sagged dusty as spider cloth,
And coldness clogged the sea, till it ceased to croon.
A dank, sickening scent came up from the grime
Of weed that blackened the shore, so that I recoiled
Feeling the raw cold dun me: and all the time
You leapt about on the slippery rocks, and threw
The words that rang with a brassy, shallow chime.
And all day long that raw and ancient cold
Deadened me through, till the grey downs darkened to sleep.
Then I longed for you with your mantle of love to fold
Me over, and drive from out of my body the deep
Cold that had sunk to my soul, and there kept hold.
But still to me all evening long you were cold,
And I was numb with a bitter, deathly ache;
Till old days drew me back into their fold,
And dim sheep crowded me warm with companionship,
And old ghosts clustered me close, and sleep was cajoled.
I slept till dawn at the window blew in like dust,
Like the linty, raw-cold dust disturbed from the floor
Of a disused room: a grey pale light like must
That settled upon my face and hands till it seemed
To flourish there, as pale mould blooms on a crust.
Then I rose in fear, needing you fearfully,
For I thought you were warm as a sudden jet of blood.
I thought I could plunge in your spurting hotness, and be
Clean of the cold and the must.--With my hand on the latch
I heard you in your sleep speak strangely to me.
And I dared not enter, feeling suddenly dismayed.
So I went and washed my deadened flesh in the sea
And came back tingling clean, but worn and frayed
With cold, like the shell of the moon: and strange it seems
That my love has dawned in rose again, like the love of a maid.
D.H. Lawrence.
Because I know that time is always time
And place is always and only place
And what is actual is actual only for one time
And only for one place
Bibbles
Little black dog in New Mexico,
Little black snub-nosed bitch with a shoved-out jaw
And a wrinkled reproachful look;
Little black female pup, sort of French bull, they say,
With bits of brindle coming through, like rust, to show
you're not pure;
Not pure, Bibbles,
Bubsey, bat-eared dog;
Not black enough!
First live thing I've "owned" since the lop-eared rabbits
when I was a lad,
And those over-prolific white mice, and Adolf, and Rex
whom I didn't own.
And even now, Bibbles, little Ma'am, it's you who appro-
priated me, not I you.
As Benjamin Franklin appropriated Providence to his
purposes.
Oh Bibbles, black little bitch
I'd never have let you appropriate me, had I known.
I never dreamed, till now, of the awful time the Lord must
have, "owning" humanity.
Especially democratic live-by-love humanity.
Oh Bibbles, oh Pips, oh Pipsey
You little black love-bird!
Don't you love everybody!
Just everybody.
You love 'em all.
Believe in the One Identity, don't you,
You little Walt-Whitmanesque bitch?
First time I lost you in Taos plaza,
And found you after endless chasing,
Came upon you prancing round the corner in exuberant,
bibbling affection
After the black-green skirts of a yellow-green old Mexican
woman
Who hated you, and kept looking round at you and cursing
you in a mutter,
While you pranced and bounced with love of her, you
indiscriminating animal,
All your wrinkled miserere Chinese black little face
beaming
And your black little body bouncing and wriggling
With indiscriminate love, Bibbles;
I had a moment's pure detestation of you.
As I rushed like an idiot round the corner after you
Yelling: Pips! Pips! Bibbles!
I've had moments of hatred of you since,
Loving everybody!
"To you, whoever you are, with endless embrace!"--
That's you, Pipsey,
With your imbecile bit of a tail in a love-flutter.
You omnipip.
Not that you're merely a softy, oh dear me no.
You know which side your bread is buttered.
You don't care a rap for anybody.
But you love lying warm between warm human thighs,
indiscriminate,
And you love to make somebody love you, indiscriminate,
You love to lap up affection, to wallow in it,
And then turn tail to the next comer, for a new dollop.
And start prancing and licking and cuddling again, indis-
criminate.
Oh yes, I know your little game.
Yet you're so nice,
So quick, like a little black dragon.
So fierce, when the coyotes howl, barking like a whole
little lion, and rumbling,
And starting forward in the dusk, with your little black fur
all bristling like plush
Against those coyotes, who would swallow you like an oyster.
And in the morning, when the bedroom door is opened,
Rushing in like a little black whirlwind, leaping straight as
an arrow on the bed at the pillow
And turning the day suddenly into a black tornado of
joie de vivre, Chinese dragon.
So funny
Lobbing wildly through deep snow like a rabbit,
Hurtling like a black ball through the snow,
Champing it, tossing a mouthful,
Little black spot in the landscape!
So absurd
Pelting behind on the dusty trail when the horse sets off
home at a gallop:
Left in the dust behind like a dust-ball tearing along
Coming up on fierce little legs, tearing fast to catch up, a
real little dust-pig, ears almost blown away,
And black eyes bulging bright in a dust-mask
Chinese-dragon-wrinkled, with a pink mouth grinning, under
jaw shoved out
And white teeth showing in your dragon-grin as you race,
you split-face,
Like a trundling projectile swiftly whirling up,
Cocking your eyes at me as you come alongside, to see if
I'm I on the horse,
And panting with that split grin,
All your game little body dust-smooth like a little pig,
poor Pips.
Plenty of game old spirit in you, Bibbles.
Plenty of game old spunk, little bitch.
How you hate being brushed with the boot-brush, to brush
all that dust out of your wrinkled face.
Don't you?
How you hate being made to look undignified. Ma'am;
How you hate being laughed at, Miss Superb!
Blackberry face!
Plenty of conceit in you.
Unblemished belief in your own perfection
And utter lovableness, you ugly-mug;
Chinese puzzle-face,
Wrinkled underhung physiog that looks as if it had done
with everything,
Through with everything.
Instead of which you sit there and roll your head like a
canary
And show a tiny bunch of white teeth in your underhung
blackness,
Self-conscious little bitch,
Aiming again at being loved.
Let the merest scallywag come to the door and you leap
your very dearest-love at him,
As if now, at last, here was the one you finally loved,
Finally loved;
And even the dirtiest scallywag is taken in,
Thinking: This dog sure has taken a fancy to me.
You miserable little bitch of love-tricks,
I know your game.
Me or the Mexican who comes to chop wood
All the same,
All humanity is jam to you.
Everybody so dear, and yourself so ultra-beloved
That you have to run out at last and eat filth,
Gobble up filth, you horror, swallow utter abomination and
fresh-dropped dung.
You stinker.
You worse than a carrion-crow.
Reeking dung-mouth.
You love-bird.
"Reject nothing", sings Walt Whitman.
So you, you go out at last and eat the unmentionable,
In your appetite for affection.
And then you run in to vomit it in my house!
I get my love back.
And I have to clean up after you, filth which even blind
Nature rejects
From the pit of your stomach;
But you, you snout-face, you reject nothing, you merge so
much in love
You must eat even that.
Then when I dust you a bit with a juniper twig
You run straight away to live with somebody else,
Fawn before them, and love them as if they were the ones
you had really loved all along.
And they're taken in.
They feel quite tender over you, till you play the same trick
on them, dirty bitch.
Fidelity! Loyalty! Attachment!
Oh, these are abstractions to your nasty little belly.
You must always be a-waggle with LOVE.
Such a waggle of love you can hardly distinguish one human
from another.
You love one after another, on one condition, that each
one loves you most.
Democratic little bull-bitch, dirt-eating little swine.
But now, my lass, you've got your Nemesis on your track,
Now you've come sex-alive, and the great ranch-dogs are all
after you.
They're after what they can get, and don't you turn tail!
You loved 'em all so much before, didn't you, loved 'em
indiscriminate.
You don't love 'em now.
They want something of you, so you squeak and come
pelting indoors.
Come pelting to me, now the other folk have found you out,
and the dogs are after you.
Oh yes, you're found out. I heard them kick you out of the
ranch house.
"Get out, you little, soft fool"!!
And didn't you turn your eyes up at me then?
And didn't you cringe on the floor like any inkspot!
And crawl away like a black snail!
And doesn't everybody loathe you then!
And aren't your feelings violated, you high bred little love-
bitch!
For you're sensitive,
In many ways very finely bred.
But bred in conceit that the world is all for love
Of you, my bitch: till you get so far you eat filth.
Fool, in spite of your pretty ways, and quaint, know all,
wrinkled old aunty's face.
So now, what with great Airedale dogs,
And a kick or two,
And a few vomiting bouts,
And a juniper switch,
You look at me for discrimination, don't you?
Look up at me with misgiving in your bulging eyes,
And fear in the smoky whites of your eyes, you nigger;
And you're puzzled,
You think you'd better mind your P's and Q's for a bit.
Your sensitive love-pride being all hurt.
All right, my little bitch.
You learn loyalty rather than loving,
And I'll protect you.
Desire may be dead
and still a man can be
a meeting place for sun and rain,
wonder outwaiting pain
as in a wintry tree.
Jeg må bare si, du har mye fint å se frem til.
Peace is written on the doorstep
In lava.
Peace, black peace congealed.
My heart will know no peace
Till the hill bursts.
La meg også dele en link til D.H. Lawrence sine dikt, hos ham er det også mye fint: ja, det er jammen her du skal trykke!
Wir ordnens wieder und zerfallen selbst.
Jeg må innrømme at jeg ikke har giddet å tenke veldig nøye over saken, så bær over med meg, og jeg har dessuten nettopp kommet hjem fra en forelesning som beveget seg innom Freud; men altså, spørsmålet, hvorfor fornekte noe man liker så godt? Bare en flyvende teori, men uansett: jeg hevder de liker Fifty shades [...], de mener de ikke har lov til å like det, og derfor liker de det enda mer, selv om de gjerne vil gi inntrykk av at de ikke liker det. Hvordan det går an å like en slik bok er en annen sak, hvordan det går an å bli pirret av noe så distanserende som et langt samlebånd av klisjéfylte metaforer. Og forøvrig, for å karnivalisere (*snu på hodet) det siste spørsmålet ditt: man kan jo også spørre seg hvorvidt det er greit eller frigjørende for mannen å fremstilles på denne måten. Det er jo en forbannet teit rolle å bli tildelt. Ellers har jeg - i likhet med boken - lite å si.
Å leve sammen var som å leve
med en eneste skygge på deling
Ingen av dem ville helt gi seg hen
og ingen slippe taket
For sent forstod hun
at hun hadde hatt råd til å gi ham
den kjærligheten
som han aldri torde gi henne
Og for sent forstod han
at han skulle ha vært for henne
den kjærligheten
som han selv aldri ville fått
if i have made,my lady,intricate
imperfect various things chiefly which wrong
your eyes(frailer than most deep dreams are frail)
songs less firm than your body's whitest song
upon my mind-if i have failed to snare
the glance too shy-if through my singing slips
the very skillful strangeness of your smile
the keen primeval silence of your hair
(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens;only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands
but if a living dance upon dead minds
why,it is love;but at the earliest spear
of sun perfectly should disappear
moon's utmost magic,or stones speak or one
name control more incredible splendor than
our merely universe, love's also there:
and being here imprisoned,tortured here
love everywhere exploding maims and blinds
(but surely does not forget,perish, sleep
cannot be photographed,measured;disdains
the trivial labelling of punctual brains...
-Who wields a poem huger than the grave?
from only Whom shall time no refuge keep
though all the weird worlds must be opened?
Mark but this flea, and mark in this,
How little that which thou deniest me is;
It suck'd me first, and now sucks thee,
And in this flea our two bloods mingled be.
Thou know'st that this cannot be said
A sin, nor shame, nor loss of maidenhead;
Yet this enjoys before it woo,
And pamper'd swells with one blood made of two;
And this, alas! is more than we would do.
What remains in me, is to be known even as I know.
I know her now: or perhaps, I know my own limitation against her.
Plunging as I have ever done, over, over the brink
I have dropped at last headlong into nought,
plunging upon sheer hard extinction;
I have come, as it were, not to know,
died, as it were; ceased from knowing; surpassing myself.
What can I say more, except that I know what it is
to surpass myself?
Bar du ikke ennå i deg en oppspilt forventning, at hver ting kom til deg med bud om en du har kjær?