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Siden den dagen Matthies ikke kom hjem igjen, kaller jeg oss de tre kongene, for en dag kommer vi til å finne broren vår, selv om vi må reise langt og ta med gaver.

Først lengter vi etter godteri, og så etter kjærlighet. Den rekkefølgen forstår vi.

Hegrene svelger uten å tygge, slik far gjør med Guds ord.

De du elsker, er alltid synlige, i hjertet eller under huden...

Jeg tror vi er like lykkelige i det øyeblikket, selv om far påstår at det ikke er noe for oss, at vi ikke er skapt for å bli lykkelige, akkurat slik som den lyse huden vår ikke kan ligge i sola i mer enn ti minutter, da lengter vi allerede etter skygge, mørke.

... jeg kunne nesten ikke forestille meg at ville det blitt en gudstjeneste uten fars nærvær, og det hendte at jeg lurte på hva det ville blitt til av Gud uten faren min.

On Mondays, Mum always watched a quiz show called Lingo. We all had to be as quiet as mice so that she could guess the words from behind the ironing board; we’d hear the iron hissing at each correct answer, steam spiralling up. They were usually words that weren’t in the Bible, but our mother still seemed to know them. She called them ‘blush words’ because some of them turned your cheeks red.

I try not to think about the Discman I want so much. My parents’ loss is much worse – you can’t save up for a new son.

The teacher told us during the history lesson that Hitler had fallen through ice when he was four and had been saved by a priest, that some people can fall through ice and it’s better if they’re not rescued. I wondered then why a bad person like Hitler could be saved and not my brother.

He strides back through the door, slamming it behind him. Anger has hinges that need oiling.