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I hated sports. I hated sports, and I hated people who played them, and I hated people watched them, and I hated people who didn´t hate people who watched or played them.

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"You know what the capital of Sierra Leone is?"
"No."
"Me neither," he said, "but I intend to find out." And with that, he stuck his nose in the almanac and the conversation was over.

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I walked over to the pink shirt. It was wrinkled like an old woman who spent her youth sunbathing.

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She´s cute, I thought, But you don´t need to like a girl who treats you like you´re ten: you´ve already got a mom.

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And in my class, I will talk most of the time and you will listen most of the time, because you may be smart. But I´ve been smart longer.

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One of the other guys, the one who was either a little fat or worked out too much, came in behind Kevin...

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The Colonel cut him off. "Enough with the psychobabble, MC Dr Phil."

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I wouldn´t have cared if my girlfriend was a Jaguar-driving Cyclops with a beard - I´d have been grateful just to have someone to make out with.

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But nothing matched a bufriedo, a dish created by Maureen, the amazingly (and understandably) obese Culver Creek cook.

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"God, if I get in trouble my parents will kill me," I said.
"I suspect you´re exaggerating."

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