A few more definitions from the new protean dictionary of american usage ...

• BELIEFS: Organized systems of thought whereby humans fool themselves into thinking they know something.

• CONSUMER: A human being in an advanced civilization.

• GOD: An imaginary entity given different attributes by every human
  being. Considered by many to have created man in his own image. Yet
  few blame him for this.

• HUMAN BEINGS: The planet's way of committing suicide.

• KISSING: One of the better human inventions.

• PRIMITIVE MAN: A human being who is not a consumer.

• SAUDI ARABIA: The country that contributed fifteen of its citizens to killing more than two thousand people at the World Trade Center, that suppresses most women's rights, that beheads people on a regular basis, that contributes money to support Sunni terrorists like ISIS, that bombed Yemen back into the Stone Age, and has been America's favorite nation among Arab countries for more than seventy years.

• SLEEP: State in which human conciousness rests. Often not distinguishable from waking state.

• TEENAGER: Human between the ages of thirteen and nineteen. Noted for doing things which human beings over the age of thirty desperately wish they could still do.

In what most observers consider a political masterstroke, Rep. Jon John (D-MN) today introduced legislation making thinking by Democrats illegal.
"We Americans believe in a level playing field," the congressman said. "And this legislation will do just that. For the last decade we Democrats have been operating at a severe political disadvantage: gathering facts and thinking about our nation's problems, while Republicans have been proceeding totally without facts and thought and have thus gained an enormous political advantage. This must end. Democrats must stop thinking. My legislation will achieve this."
When asked to comment, Republican House Speaker John Ruan said, "No."
"No, what?" asked the reporter.
"Just 'no," said Speaker Ruan.
"But to what are you saying 'no,' Mr. Speaker?"
"Everything," said Mr. Ruan.