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With Mum, it was all about criticism and being made to feel that whatever you did wasn't good enough.
"Aren't advent calendars supposed to be religious?"
"Get a life, Dad," Chloe advises. "Christmas is about fun and presents. What's God got to do with it?"
"Christmas isn't just one day, Rick."
I like my home filled with laughter and love, overflowing with presents and food. If you can't go completely over the top at Christmas, when can you?
True', I said, feeling oversized, ugly and capable, none of them terribly attractive traits.
You know, sometimes I think giving presents can be nearly as good as getting them.
Would you like a drink? Sherry, gin and tonic? Name your poison.
Perfect, I thought. I have half my hair burned off, I'm wearing the dress from hell, and all i have to do is show a little nipple and I'm a sex goddess. Something to remember.
"That dress is just wrong," Lula said. "You look like a pregnant flamingo."
"You're at your best when you're a little bad, babe."
"I can always count on you to brighten my day," Ranger said.
"Of course I got a gun. I got a big one too. A person's gotta be prepared. You never know when you might have to stop a bank robbery."
"That's so lame," I said to her. "Why don't you just admit you want donuts and you have no willpower?"
"Yeah, but that don't sound as good. You want any donuts?"
This was like no handshake I'd ever shared. Clumsy, and sexy, and way too friendly for comfort.
Friends my ass.
"Both of you have the same idea that you need some bad boy to show you life. You know he'll get you in trouble, and you don't care. You'd follow him anywhere".
"Look," he said, "I didn't mean to get into all this. Let's not even joke about the idea that I picked a suspect to hook up with. I mean, here we are, driving around all night alone in the dark, and I have a gun and handcuffs".
"I am so sorry," Tiffany giggled and gushed. "You know how it is when you're drunk"
"No, he doesn't," I said. "He's been sober since birth"
I'm sorry I'm not allowed to beat the shit out of him for you.
When you were an outsider looking in, it was easy to see clearly.
Now that I knew who I wasn't, I was determined to remember who I was. Who I would become.