So brave, so nervous. Both of them. Hand in hand, no gloves and no special suits. An unlocked hatch, a step outside. Truth: Earth survived.

Rob, Bob and Bub
Three men in a tub
Scrubbity dubbity day.
Just Bob and Rub
Two men in a tub
And all of a sudden it's gay.

I never understood why men go to war. Then I thought, men have children. The average length of a war is four or five years, which is also the amount of of time it takes for a child to stop being really fucking annoying.

Mitt inntrykk etter å ha jobbet i en del år i Norge, er at det er ok å være dyktig, bare du ikke er for dyktig. Det er også lov å være ambisiøs, bare du ikke er altfor ambisiøs. Janteloven i sin mildeste form kommer til uttrykk som taktfull beskjedenhet. Men i sin mest ondskapsfulle form kveler den individet og dømmer deg til et liv som en gjennomsnittlig anonymitet.

How to track, hunt, and kill a unicorn

1. Observe
2. Unicorns leave a trail of happiness behind them. Watch for newborn babies, happy couples, and tears of joy. If you see them, a unicorn is probably nearby.
3. Taste
4. When a unicorn becomes relaxed, it craps out sherbet ice cream. If you spot a pile, it means you're close.
5. Entrap
   Once spotted, set up a perimeter of claymores. Ensure proper spacing between claymores; you'll want to entrap the unicorn in a blast zone that'll splatter it straight to hell.
6. Pre-heat
7. If the unicorn survives the claymores, torch it with a flamethrower. This will not only slow the unicorn down, but improve the flavor of the unicorn for later on!
8. The kill
9. The best way to take down a unicorn is with your mouth. Run, Bite, Enjoy!

And now I see the face of god, and I raise this god over the earth, this god whom men have sought since men came into being, this god who will grant them joy and peace and pride.

This god, this one word:

"I."

"So you think that you have found a new power," said Collective 0-0009. "Do all your brothers think that?"

"No," we answered.

"What is not thought by all men cannot be true," said Collective 0-0009.

"You have worked on this alone?" asked International 1-5537.

"Yes," we answered.

"What is not done collectively cannot be good," said International 1-5537.

"Many men in the Homes of the Scholars have had strange new ideas in the past," said Solidarity 8-1164, "but when the majority of their brother Scholars voted against them, they abandoned their ideas as all men must."

We, Equality 7-2521, were not happy in those years in the Home of the Students. It was not that the learning was too hard for us. It was that the learning was too easy. This is a great sin, to be born with a head which is too quick. It is not good to be different from our brothers, but it is evil to be superior to them. The Teachers told us so, and they frowned when they looked upon us.

If everybody was wrong about the weapon of mass destruction, then somebody has to say "my bad." When Clinton was in the White House, we investigated his business partners, his wife's business partners, the guy who was govenor after him, the girls who did him, his travel agents, and the guy who cut his hair. For some reason, the two words this president just can't seem to say are "sorry" and "nuclear." Something is terribly wrong when the only person who's been fired over terrorism is me.

Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it, it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass and it translates to "Beef with Broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant.

Lay off Rumsfeld and his 9/11 memento. Yes, Donald Rumsfeld took a piece of the airplane that hit the Pentagon - like you've never lifted anything from work. But he kept it for a good reason: to remind himself of who did this to us. Otherwise, we might have retaliated against the wrong country.

Don't talk to me while I'm peeing. We're not sharing a moment; we're just sharing adjacent urinals. So just stare ahead in awkward silence. Same goes for when we're on an elevator. And especially don't talk to me when I'm peeing on an elevator.

The next destructive storm must be called Hurricane George. You've earned it, buddy. Congratulations. Your presidency is officially a Category 5 disaster.

The walls of her heart began to collapse. Nicole stumbled into the scene in Richard's cell and embraced the representation of her husband. 'I understand Richard,' she said. Nichole dropped to her knees slowly. She turned to face The Eagle. 'I understand,' she said with a smile. And understanding is happiness, she though.

int getRandomNumber();
{
return 4; // chosen by fair dice roll
// guaranteed to be random
}

- Well, it appears as if your CD4+ T-cell count is low
- Uh, I'm sorry. I only speak internet slang.
- Oh, I'm terribly sorry. *ahem* u hav AIDS LOLZ!!1!

"Baby, I just realized I can't survive without you"
"Is it because you love me?"
"It's because you're an organ donor."

Bulimia: Twice the taste, no calories!

Far from proclaiming 'the end of nature' (as some observers have done), it prompts us to reflect critically on the ways we wish to design nature into our environments, our life-styles, and our experiences.

- Article 81 -

A Bro leaves the toilet seat up for his Bros.