Bokelskere.no

*Oh, heart, you traitor. *

News reporter: Do you feel worried? Do you fear for your safty?
Me: You know, I'm glad you asked me that. Maybe I should be scared right now, but I honestly think the people writing these letters need to be pitted more than feard. It's been my experience that people who are most afraid are the ones who hide behind mean and threatening words.

But the hardest thing is something I didn't expect - seeing people I used to know, people I grew up with, and knowing that while I sat in my house, they got older and went to school and made friends and had lives. It's like I'm the only one who stopped

"Your identifier is you. I remember your eyes. Your mouth. The freckles on both cheeks that look like constellations. I know your smiles, at least three of them, and at least eight of your expressions, including the ones you only do with your eyes. If I could draw, I would draw you, and I wouldn't need to look at you to do it. Because your face is stuck in my mind."

And then he closes his eyes and describes how I look in a way I've never heard before. As I'm hearing it, my heart is racing, and I know this is something I'll never forget, not even fifty years from now.

Dette vet jeg om savn:

• Det blir ikke lettere. Du bli bare (på en eller annen måte) vant til det.
• Du slutter aldri å savne de menneskene som går bort.
• Til å være noe som ikke er der lenger, er det blytungt.

This is what I know about loss:

• It doesn't get better. You just get (somewhat) used to it.
• You never stop missing the people who go away.
• For something that isn't there anymore, it weighs a ton.

You know how it's easy to believe everything is about you, especially when something goes wrong? Why me? Why do I have the worst luck ever? Why is the universe so mean? Why does everyone hate me? My mom used to say sometimes it's actually about the other person and you just happen to be there. Like sometimes the other person needs to learn a lesson or go through an experience, good or bad, and you're just an accessory in some way, like a supporting actor in whatever their scene happens to be.

"Haven't you ever done something mean or stupid without thinking it through? Something you instantly regretted as soon as you did it?" (...) "Sometimes people are just shitty. Sometimes they're shitty because they're afraid. Sometimes they choose to be shitty to others before they can be shitty to them. Like self-defensive shittiness."

"Why are people so shitty?"

That old saying about girls being sugar and spice and everything nice? Not so true.