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If you have a lot of good old stuff and you want to keep it, you have to pay for it. If you don't pay for it, you can't keep it. I believe I have just described modern Britain.

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I don't know why scientists have been so resistent to the idea of interbreeding. You look at the modern humans that a lot of people have slept with and it is hardly a surprise if a Neanderthal maiden or two might have twinkled by the campfire light.

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But what, pray, do you get with a vaginal makeover? Wi-fi? Sauna?

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Bus shelters used to be like little cottages, with pitched roofs and built-in wooden benches. Now they are just wind tunnels with advertisements.

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Thanks to years of travel at other people's expense, I have a lifetime supply of soaps, small bottles of shampoo, aromatic lotions, sewing kits and shoe mitts. I have over 1100 shower caps and riquire now a reason to use them. I am so well prepared financially that I have money in a range of currencies that no longer exist.

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According to Time Out magazine, at any given moment there are 600.000 people on the Underground (London), making it both a larger and more interesting place than Oslo.

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