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At the pet store he picked out two painted turtles, each about as big around as a mayonnaise-jar lid. He bought them a large kidney-shaped dish that had its own little island, a plastic palm tree, some aquatic plants, and a snail. The snail, presumably, to bolster the self-esteem of the turtles: “You think we’re slow? Look at that guy.”

“Oh, Eastern religions,” Charlie said, pretending he had just misinterpreted the question before. “Just Discovery Channel stuff—you know, Buddha, Shiva, Gandalf—the biggies.”