"What do you do on Halloween when someone comes to the door?" It was multiple-choice, and possible answers included "call the police" and "run and hide."

Maybe, being American, I want bigger names for things. I also expect a bit more gravity. "I've run some tests," I'd like to hear, "and discovered that what you have is called a bilateral ganglial abasement, or, in layman's terms, a cartoidal rupture of the venal septrumus. Dogs get these all the time, and most often they die. That's why I'd like us to proceed with the utmost caution."
For my fifty dollars, I want to leave the doctor's office in tears, but instead I walk out feeling like a hypochondriac, which is one of the few things I'm actually not.

Another of the test questions asked why great numbers of Jewish people immigrated to the U.K. in the early part of the twentieth century. I don't recall all the possible answers, but A was "to escape racist attacks" and C was "to invade and seize land."

"Ça va?" Dr. Granat asked, and I raised my hand, international dental sign language for "There is something vital I need to communicate." He removed his screwdriver from my mouth, and I pointed to the screen. "Ils ont mangé des souris en brochette," I told him, meaning, "They have eaten some mice on skewers."
He looked up at the little TV. "Ah, oui?"

They'll dump appliances too: microwaves, television sets, outdated sound systems released into the woods like they'd be happier there. There's a landfill these things could be taken to, but it costs money and you'd have to go out of your way, so why not feed it all to the foxes? They like stereos, don't they?