Soft Cell's singer, Marc Almond, was absolutely the gayest Englishman I'd ever seen, which is saying something. It didn't make a difference if he was on- or offstage, he minced about in leather costumes, wearing this dirty grin like he'd just stepped out of the toilet of an S&M bar. I loved him.

We put out Non-Stop Erotic Cabaret in that big November 1981 batch expecting action, but «Tainted Love» got hammered on Top 40 radio. It peaked at number eight on the Hot 100 and stayed on the chart for something ridiculous like forty-three weeks, totally unexpected for such a dirty English joke. Yes, sir, Yanks in places like Colorado and Texas were buying this ass-spanking piece of vinyl.

On Thanksgiving 1974, we had Elton John and his band over for turkey and pumpkin pie. Linda actually hired her father to do the catering for that unforgettable banquet. We watched the parade from our balcony and the musicians ate up before they played Madison Square Garden that night. John Lennon, who was set to join Elton onstage, even dropped by for dessert. This was during his lost period, separated from Yoko Ono and partying like never before with his new girlfriend, May Pang. Imagine everyone's reaction when he called for silence and handed Elton John a present. Elton unwrapped the little box and produced a gleaming cock ring.

The problem was radio, especially in America where the word punk sounded about as appetizing as jerk or scumbag. In England, it didn't have these connotations. We needed all the help we could get, so I stumbled on the idea of new wave, pilfered from the French cinematic movement Nouvelle Vague.

For a prostitute, Dee Dee [Ramone] obviously hadn't progressed very far up from public toilets.

To be honest, I didn't know what to make of all this instrumental experimentation, but looking back, between Remain in Light, Tom Tom Club, and My Life in the Bush of Ghosts, new genres were being discovered right under my nose.

I've always wondered if maybe Morrissey harbored a deep unrequited love for Johnny Marr, which I suspect Johnny Marr felt and couldn't handle.

In California, helping Brian Wilson was considered as a noble deed of community service.